Ohmy How things have changed

I stumbled upon an old blog- only after searching for someone else's old blog. I need to write. I need to let a stream of consciousness out of my head and onto paper screen. I would write on paper in a really beautiful journal and special colorful pens, if i wasn't terrified that it would be found. By who? I don't know, the fear lingers.  Its been 6 year since I last wrote, at least in this specific blog. I have since graduated college - it took a few years but its done. I have also recently moved out into a perfect apartment with my boyfriend. I also work- but why waste brain power on that.

I miss being creative, I miss thinking and acting (out). However, I am older now and probably a little bit smarter, and just aware of my own limitation and mortality.

another dumb thingy....

list 10 bands youve seen in concert....

1. Fall out boy
2. Cobra starship
3. gym class heroes
4.lil wayne
5.jay-z
6.chiodos
7.we the kings
8.the cab
9. plain white t's
10.oasis




Song you wish you'd seen number 2 do
the kids are all fucked up

How many times have you seen number 3?
once- number two is this summer

Where did you see number 9 play?>>
dcu center in worcesterr

Favourite song number 8 played?>>
take my hand

Who did you see number 7 with?>>twice with lyndsey and once with moe

Favourite venue you've seen 4 play?>>onoly seen him once at the garden

Favourite concert moment from number 6?>>every moment getting kicked in the face haha

Best thing about number 1's performance?>>petey- just being there

Why did you go to see number 10?>>i liked them i went with my boyfriend of the moment our song is wonderwall

How old were you when you saw number 2?>>ummm 18

Favourite concert you've ever been to for number 8?>>oh man seeing them in allston it was so small and awesome

.Best cover song you've seen from number 4?>> he didnt do a cover but i like his apoligize remix

Would you go to see number 7 again?>> yes!! iv e seen them 3 times warped this usmmer will be number 4!

Song you never really liked until seeing number 1 in concert?>>i love all their songs!



Which albums do you own from number 6?>>no whole albums but lots of different songs from a bunch of albums

Worst thing about number 3's concert?>> that i wasnt closer to the stage

The only three songs that number 3 would have to play to make a concert?>> viva la white girl, taxi driver, the queen and i
How far did you travel to see number 5?>> not far just went into boston like 15 miles....

random music thingy

so bored stublemd across this..... oh and i <3 baby love :)

Opening credit: Better than sunshine- seven foot wave
niiiiice opening on a beach somewhere i can totally see it

Waking up: Make Believe- Metro station
fave bands... slow song i guess i could see it

average day: on the table- a.c. newman
meh, not on i usually listen to but its good backgroung music i guess

first date: anna molly - incubus
lots of energy carnival maybe fast cars

falling in love: i'm really hot- missy elliott
haha guess i could see making eye contact with the boy im gunna marry someday but kinda odd

breaking up: i put a spell on you- hocus pocus
ahaha im kinda a crazy bitch ask any ex boys i cant seem to ever let go so it fits

getting back together: perfect vs. the scientest - sum 41 vs. coldplay
bittersweet "going back to teh start" its a good song but i always cry

secret love: no right angles- ben lee
i guess i could see how its realizing that i SHOULDNT have a secret love

lifes okay: hollaback boy- cobra starrrrrr
NIICE "this is MY shit"

mental breakdown: pain - jimmy eat world
meh i guess it works

driving: dirty girl- felt
yeahhhhh bump it

learning a lesson: bittersweet symphony- robbie williams
yeah its one of those lightbulbs moment songs

deep thought: fray - staind
hmmm me and staind have a messed up relationship so it could happen

flashback: summertime- mae
i could see this being a flashback to some craazay summers

partying: overprotected- britney
ahah yeah rehab @ 16 im a little overpretected

Happy dance: sex and the city theme
so fitting for any girl

regretting: crash hip hop remix- DMB
yeah i can see cringing and the life sucking while this song is on

long nigth alone: you cant always get what you want- ben harper and rusted roots
yeahhhh fitting

death scene: knew it all along acoustic- midtown
depressing so yes maybe its suicide

funeral:love and memories - O.A.R.
i want my funeral to be full of love and memories so yeah i like it

end credits: the ends not near- band of horses
make me cry so it would be a bittersweet ending

deleted scenes:life is a highway- tom petty
yup






well that was a great distraction haha time for bed. see baby<3 tomorrow :)

a light fading in and out

im sitting in my room and i swear my light is flickering so i stop to look at it and i cant tell. i have no idea if it is dimming in and out. i guess thats where my heads at right now im wickeed overtired i hurt and i feel like no lone likes me.... the other day everyone calling me and wanting to hang out and now NO ONE im alone and people are lying/ avoiding me. i just love my fuckin friends really. they suck. i cant wait to get outta here i think im going crazy or withdrawing from all sorts of fun drugs... eith way life is SHITTY today. i wanna be at bamboozle so bad it kills me that im not there :(

ganged up banged up

so. friday night everyone and i mean everyone..... james,lyndz,moe,greg,dick,LUKE!?!?, andrew, and ashley. all went to james' marshfield house. no one told me..... hmmmm funny how that worked out. moe put pics up on facebook that were taken. thats the only way i found out. i have never been so hurt by the people im closest too.

letter back to moe.

hey bitch, you know i mean that in the best possible way. hehe. your letter was amazing.it really means a lot and i hope you know that because sometimes i just have to write and let everything out i cant scream or talk i just have to write and i think thats how ur letter came across it was totally heartfelt and that means more to me that any material thing.
you and me are way alike in the way that we put our friends before ourselves, and yeah sometimes we get used that sucks. but i love you and love our little circle i wouldnt give it up for the world. and yeah standing up for oueselves or just saying no can be considered bitchy and thats not fair but i dont think its going to easily change but we can try.
I'm totally hurt and shocked that everyone went away to party without me. but i must have done something to deserve it and like i said earlier to you its in the past. i can do NOTHING i can be hurt but i cant rewind time and do things differently. i want to cry and scream and tell everyone how fucked up that was and how hurt i was cuz i dont think i could even explain how that feels to have EVERYONE rip out your heart and stomp on it. i had no one. i still have no one in my corner and i hate making thing a competition and me vs. everyone but i have a big tendecy to do that. and i want to try and change that but i just dont know life is crazy and it sucks so bad sometimes. but i have so much respect for you for getting this all out. i was us all to grow up. im sorry this is kinda random and rant- ish but i love you. and i hope you know that.
<3 ktbug
P.S I hope you consider this letter sacred and sincere..I hope you will share it with only your eyes! < totally copied that from you

worked to the bone

so i haven't had a day off in about a week. it sucks. I'm done with the little kids. Kimmy kept telling me come in and i would get the next day off not that never happened finally on Saturday she was like come in a hour late tomorrow which is today.... and Jenny called me at 11 telling me i was in at 12 i said actually i was supposed to be in at 1 because kimmy said it was OK if i came in late no i was there at fucking 12 and had to do an 18 kids party that was half an hour late.... not fair. i got to leave a Lil early but really that fucking sucks. i was looking at peoples times and i have the least days off! what teh fuck?!? i feel wicked taken advantage of and i dont wanna be run down then i get nothing done.... on an even awesomer note lyndz informed me that she was meeting up with james and i was invited... thanks?! and then ho ho needs sketch fro me to share with JAMES... umm hello?!?! keep going behind my back and snatching my friends. twist there heads like you twist mine up you fucking ass hole. ive decided to hide. prolly till tomorrow with cuz it BOW monday. but im not making any calls and im not online so we'll see who really cares. haha im sure no one maybe someone asking im left for bud. but no one is worried and that sucks im never this much of a bitch, maybe i am i hope im pmsing that would b awesome. but really im being left out of a party that i started. im the one with the drugs and i brough james but i guess they traded me for a skecthy bag and fag. hmmm is that really my street value?