worked to the bone

so i haven't had a day off in about a week. it sucks. I'm done with the little kids. Kimmy kept telling me come in and i would get the next day off not that never happened finally on Saturday she was like come in a hour late tomorrow which is today.... and Jenny called me at 11 telling me i was in at 12 i said actually i was supposed to be in at 1 because kimmy said it was OK if i came in late no i was there at fucking 12 and had to do an 18 kids party that was half an hour late.... not fair. i got to leave a Lil early but really that fucking sucks. i was looking at peoples times and i have the least days off! what teh fuck?!? i feel wicked taken advantage of and i dont wanna be run down then i get nothing done.... on an even awesomer note lyndz informed me that she was meeting up with james and i was invited... thanks?! and then ho ho needs sketch fro me to share with JAMES... umm hello?!?! keep going behind my back and snatching my friends. twist there heads like you twist mine up you fucking ass hole. ive decided to hide. prolly till tomorrow with cuz it BOW monday. but im not making any calls and im not online so we'll see who really cares. haha im sure no one maybe someone asking im left for bud. but no one is worried and that sucks im never this much of a bitch, maybe i am i hope im pmsing that would b awesome. but really im being left out of a party that i started. im the one with the drugs and i brough james but i guess they traded me for a skecthy bag and fag. hmmm is that really my street value?

bratttt

again i do something nice for someone and it doent end up how i want. i cancelled an appt. so could go with lyndz to acton. I called her at 3ish to find out shes was already on her way. didnt bother to let me know so that kinda sucked call alil later to call me to hang out and she wonders why im mad. then i send to off to NH with a boy i have NO RESPECT for and i think is a dirty whore with my gps and good wishes. God if only I had a friend like me. also james left lyndz a inbox message on facebook < woah loserrrrr much ahaha but really he is sketchy. and it sucksss why does he have to do that i dont care if he hangs out with my firneds. well i do care but i have to bite my tounge and that sucks he knoew i just dont want him with lyndz but i also really believe he lves the attention of us fighting cuz he can have us both and he isnt trying to teach me some lesson abt tim hes doesnt even know what going on with time, which is nothing by the way other than im crushinggggg. but like he tries to hide that he hangs out with them and that hurts SO BAD. and i dont know how to relate my feelings to him without sounds like a wicked bitch or just screaming at him. ah. he makes my head hurt but i guess id rather my head hurt than his.

Be mine?

Tuesdays run in with the boy kinda sucked. I waskinda fucked all day from lack of coke up my nose and a mix of other pills inside me. saw stephen last weekend- could have been wayyyyyy better but who knows, im sure it wontbe the last time i see him. sean dying isweird. just thats it could have been me. so manytimes. i really do take life forgranted. oh a happy note.... god my newClandestine shirt and necklace SOOOOO AMAZING. tomorrow is valentines day and for once i dont really care. i have good people in my life and i want to be with them. i mean part of me misses the security of having a boyfriend but im almost surprised that im not bumming. maybe i will tomorrow but i can get over it.i miss james. imisshow it was with us and iundertand that we are growing up (apart) and it sucks. plain and simple. I want mashfield sundays back.

im old.

well. my birthday was on wednesday. i dont think ive written since then. lyndz and me went to the spice girls it was varrry nice. haha we went out to brnch with my parents yesterday and that wrapped up the birthday fun. havent talked to hoho in a while guess shes still being a little bitch and holding a grudge, grow up. i miss FOB touring. im craving it. i guess just live music in general is amazing. i have a crush.... i get to see him tomorrow. who knows if it will ever turn into anything more. i can totally see myself like with him. not just fuckin arround maybe i need that?
maybe i dont?